Former columnist for the Los Angeles Post Examiner, the Baltimore Post Examiner, and Gatehouse News Service

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

5 Hour Energy


 
Wow...it has been so long since I've blogged!!  Soooo rusty; my fingers are creaking, I can't remember how to upload a photo, my password had to be requested because I couldn't remember it...jeepers.
 
Anyhoo, it's fall, and election season, and I'm feelin' fine.  I just had a quick trip down to Maryland, and experienced something I have never really dealt with before...falling asleep at the wheel.  Almost, that is.  Pretty scary stuff!  Scary because obviously people who do fall asleep don't mean to.  So, this is kind of a PSA for not driving sleepy. Because sleepy kills.
 
It went like this: I started out from Massachusetts, my loyal terrier Neeley by my side, curled up in his special car blanket, and I was doing well.  Radio on, coffee in it's holder, directions in my brain.  But, I had stayed up until 2 AM the night before, and have been kind of sleep-deprived in general, kind of a cumulative thing.  So, in the cocoon of my car, relaxed and alone, I must have relaxed a lot, because on route 84, which runs through Connecticut, I found myself not remembering the last few minutes of roadway.  You know what I mean?  I was like, wow, I'm driving!  Weird!
 
So, I began talking to Neeley, and snapping my fingers.  This sort of scared me; how long could I go on snapping and chatting to Neeley? (Who bless his heart, sat up and listened courteously for awhile.)  Then I began thinking, this snapping stuff is not good.  I can't be doing well if I have to snap to stay awake.  So, I called my husband.  "Talk to me," I said, "I'm sleepy."  This prompted an immediate directive from hubby: get off the road!  (He also wanted to know if we had jelly; this seemed as important as my sleepiness, come to think of it.)
 
So, I pulled off the road, to a rest area in Connecticut.  Now what?  I was still exhausted, yawning until tears sprang to my eys, and it was only 7:30 am!  Could I just sleep at one of the Burger King tables?  (Surely they could just sleep - I mean sweep - around me.)  But then what about Neeley, who I knew was up and looking through the windshield, waiting anxiously for my return.  Would he just self-combust in a puff of smoke in the car, from pure neediness?
 
So, I went to the little store inside the rest area, and got a banana. (??)  As I was checking out, I saw a rack of 5 Hour Energy bottles.  They look harmless; they're tiny!    "Hey," I said to the uninterested clerk, "do these work?"  He nodded.  That nod was enough for me. I bought it, and a large coconut Dunkin' Donuts coffee, and went back to the car.
 
OK, here goes, I said to Neeley, who was limp with relief from my simply being back in the car.  I drank half the tiny bottle (it tastes horrible; it's like herbs mushed up with old juice and rotten limes).  Then I waited, like Alice in Wonderland holding the "Drink Me" bottle.  Sure enough, a few minutes later I felt sharper; not necessarily hyper, but just more in-tune.  Like I could drive to Maryland and also tell people their fortunes.  I started the car.  All-righty!
 
The problem was: Neeley licked a good amount off the lid, and he's a small dog, so...let's just say Neeley was super-focused for the next seven hours, barking at anything that hit the windshield (hint - it was raining; hard.)  So, I arrived at my parents' doorstep intact, but nerves jangled to bits.  We had to peel Neeley out of a tree before I stepped inside.
 
Thank you, 5 Hour Energy!  And Neeley, it's time to come down, now.  We've been home for days.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Deirdre...I had visions of "incognito days" while reading this. Truly LOL & now so glad to know that stuff really works. (Diana)

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