Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I was in my happy place, Target, this morning, and was sharing the aisles with moms and their loud, demanding kids. Now, you would hope to hear loud-er moms in response, threatening the old time-out "when we get home, Buster," or removing just-acquired treats from the little monsters' grips. Instead, here is an accounting of what I heard/saw:
A young mom, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was in public, happily shrieking a strange lullaby that anyone who had not yet had enough coffee just would not appreciate hearing. The lullaby had to do with a worm, an apple, and a hill of some sort. The kid in the cart was beyond bored, and rolling his eyes directly at her (you couldn't blame him - everyone knows worms hate climbing hills; they have no feet.) I tried to harmonize when she went by, as by this time I knew all the words, but the kid stuck his tongue out at me, rendering me speechless. I should have done us all a favor and issued a Citizen's Time-Out (similar to a Citizen's Arrest).
The next issue was a mom with a child who was asking her mother over and over again if they could get a pink daisy backpack of some sort before they left the store. Now, the deferential, sort-of-pleading mom, oblivious to anything but her child's needs (even though, as she patiently explained, a backpack was not in the budget,) rolled over my actual toe with her cart as they went by. That's right, rolled right over my toe. Grunting in pain, I backed away, deftly manoevering my cart as I retreated, and they both turned to look at me. "I'm okay," I mumbled, limping over to grasp on to a rack of bland canvas artwork behind me. They both stared for a moment, seemingly dazed, and then proceeded on. Remember the last scene from The Stepford Wives, where the robot-women are out shopping? Well, in 2010, it's teams of robots - parent-child robots who are taking over my Target before I've had coffee.
Don't mess with my Target, kids. I'm begging here.